101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.] Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!
Joey: Come on, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!
Chandler:All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat c halk?
(They all stare, bemused.)
Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!
Monica:Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
[Time Lapse]
Chandler:Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's there. Joey: ?
Chandler: That's right.
Joey: Never had that dream.
Phoebe: No.
中华人民共和国收养法
And it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
[Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]
Ross: (mortified) Hi.
Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small 101 试播莫妮卡的新室友
没什么好说的！他不过是我的同事！
少来了，你和那个人一起出去！拜托，和你交往的男人一定有问题！
打住，乔伊，嘴下留德。他驼背？既驼背又带假发？
慢着，他吃粉笔吗？
我只是不想你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙。
各位别急，这不算约会。我们不过是出去吃晚餐，而且不做爱。 听起来好像是说我的约会。
记得中学时代的梦，我站在自助餐厅，突然发现自己全身赤裸。
我做过那样的梦。
我低头一看，看见有一支电话……在那儿。而不是……？
没错。
我没做过那样的梦，没有。
结果是我妈打来，我感到很奇怪，因为我妈不曾打过电话给我！
嗨。
这家伙向我打招呼时我就想自杀。
你还好吧？
我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙，抓起我的肠
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intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around Chandler: Cookie?
Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today. Joey: Ohh.
Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.) Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?
Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy. Monica: No you don't.
Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!
Joey: And you never knew she was
Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?
Chandler:Sometimes I wish I was (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
(Ross gestures his consent.)
Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!
Ross:I don't want to be single, okay? I just- I just wanna be married again!
(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.) Chandler:And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Monica: Rachel?!
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is 子，从我的口中取出，然后绑在我脖上……饼干？
南水北调工程卡罗今天把她的东西搬走了。
- 我帮你泡杯咖啡，
谢了。
不要……别清理我的灵气。可是……别碰我的灵气就是了。
我会没事的，真的，我祝她幸福。
- 不，你不会的，没错，
- 我不会的，去她的，她甩掉我！
没有！！行了吧？！为何大家都围着这个话题打转？连她不知道，我怎会知道。
有时真希望自己也是个女同志。我刚刚大声说出来了吗？
别闷闷不乐了，罗斯。你现在很痛苦。你一肚子火，心如刀割。我能告诉你解决之道吗？
我不想单身的。我只想再结婚。
我只想要一百万！
瑞秋？！
天啊，莫妮卡，谢天谢地！我到过你的住处，你不在。有个拿着一根大榔头的人说你可能会在这儿，结果你真的在这儿。
想来杯咖啡吗？
无的。各位，她叫瑞秋，另一位从林肯
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Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Rachel: Hi, sure!
Ross: Hi.
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)
Monica:So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Rachel: well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee) Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]
Monica:Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.
Rachel:(on phone) Daddy, I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.) 高中生存下来的人。这位叫钱德勒，菲比，乔伊。还记得我哥罗斯吗？
当然。
嗨。
你想现在告诉我们，还是等四位伴娘来了再
说？
婚礼前半个小时发生了变数。我在堆放礼物的
房间里，看着船形卤肉盘，非常漂亮的船形卤
肉盘，突然间……（有没有代糖？）我了解船
形卤肉盘此巴瑞更能引起我的“性趣”，我自己都吓了一跳，巴瑞愈看愈像猪头先生。我一直
都认为他很眼熟。总之，我必须离开。我开始想，我为何这么做？我为谁这样做？于是我不
知该走往何处，我知道你我日渐疏远。但是你
是我在这个城市，认识的唯一一个人。
没被受邀参加婚礼的人。
这件事就甭提啦。
我猜他送她一台管风琴，她肯定不喜欢，
爸，我不能嫁给他……对不起，我只是不爱他。对，这对我来说就有关系！
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Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
Joey: I say push her down the stairs.
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey:Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)
Rachel:C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.
Rachel:Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
Monica:Well, I guess we've established who's staying here
Rachel: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!
[Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.]
Monica:Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice Phoebe:(sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sl
eighbells and- something La la something and noodles with string. These are
Rachel: I'm all better now.
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!
Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, 'hat' thing.
Joey:(comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot. Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day! 她不该穿那条裤子。
我建议推她下楼，
推她下楼！推她下楼！推她下楼！
爸，你听我说……大家这样评价我这一辈子：
你是一只鞋……今天我倒想看看如果我不再
是鞋会怎样。我说如果我想当皮包呢？
或是帽子呢？不，我不需你帮我买帽子。我说
我是一顶帽子。爸，这是一种比喻。
你看他也有些问题。
爸，这是我的人生。或许我会和莫妮卡住在这。我想我们已确定好谁要和莫妮卡住在这儿。
或许那是我的决定。或许我不希罕你的钱。
等一下，等一下……我说的是或许！！
深呼吸，就这样。试着想着美好的事物……
玫瑰上的雨滴，猫嘴上的胡须，门铃和雪橇之
类的。啦啦啦……还有手套……
我现在好多了。
我的功劳。
宫调音乐或许这样最好，要自立，决定自己的事情。
有任何需要乔伊准没错。我和钱德勒就住在
对面，而且他经常不在家。
乔伊，少趁虚而入了，今天是她大喜的日子。
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Joey: What, like there's a rule or something?
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)
Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.
Monica:Buzz him in!
Joey: Who's Paul?
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
Monica: Maybe.
Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy? Ross: He finally asked you out?
Monica: Yes!
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
Monica: Rach, wait, I
Rachel: Please, no, go, that'd be fine!
Monica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay? Ross: (choked voice) That'd
Monica: (horrified) Really?
Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
Monica:Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.
All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Monica: Okay, umm-umm, I'll just--I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah,
Ross: A wandering?
Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds. Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good. (Monica goes to change.)
Ross: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?
水平潜流人工湿地Rachel:Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing! 什么？有
规定不能吗？
别再这样，声音很刺耳。
我是保罗。
让他进来！
保罗是谁？
调酒的那个保罗？
或许吧。
等等，你今晚该不是真的要和调酒的那个保罗约会吧？
他终于开口约你了？对。
瑞秋，等等，我可以取消。
不用了，你去吧，我不会有事的。
罗斯，你没事吧。你要我留下来吗？
那样最好……
真的吗？
- 假的，去吧！是保罗，调酒师耶！
请进！保罗，这位是……
丝比论坛
……各位，各位，他就是保罗。
保罗……调酒大师。
抱歉，我没听清楚你名字。保罗，是吗？
我马上就好，我去，去……
风火网
神魂恍惚啦？
换衣服！请坐，两秒钟。
我刚拔掉四根睫毛，不妙。
瑞秋，你打算如何渡过今晚？
我应该在前往阿鲁巴渡蜜月的途中，因此没了！
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